Cats and the People Who Like Them

When this commercial started last night, I turned to my husband and said, "I swear, if this is a damn cat food commercial, I'm going to punch something." There are a few glaring problems with it. First, the lady who is obsessed with the fluffy white kitty appears to be neither overweight or insane. Second, the man who is obsessed with the fluffy white kitty is clearly a homosexual. Third, the cats appear to be friendly, and we all know the rule: the more attractive the cat, the more of a psycho bitch it is. Finally, WTF THE CAT HAS A FURNISHED ROOM and the people are eating dinner on a box?

This post is more about the illness that is "being a cat person" than about cats themselves. Don't misunderstand- I do hate cats, both large and small. The big'uns because they are bone-chillingly terrifying, and the litl'uns because they act like the big ones in an annoyingly impotent way. They are unpredictably moody and aggressive. But they can't help being the a-holes of the pet world, so I'll let them slide. (Yes, my dislike for the feline race is fueled by a traumatic experience...)

My beef is with the Fancy Feast cat lovers of the world. Cats, if left to their own devices, eat mice, birds, and garbage. Do we really need to feed them shrimp and salmon out of crystal dishes? Why are people trying to impress an animal that attacks you if you move in your sleep? They aren't going to like you any better if you give them kitty foie gras or dry kibble. Heck, they aren't going to like you at all. The best you can get from a cat is an indifferent stare or *if you're lucky* the privilege of petting them until they decide to bite you. And people who love cats will take the bites and scratches like a masochist. Please, people, enough with the kitty cat tee shirts and coffee mugs. The cat wouldn't make one of you, if the tables were turned. Stop buying better food for an animal that tolerates your presence, at best, than you do for yourself. Anything that stinks and poops in the house should be expected to have a little more gratitude.